hosiptal.... and not just a checkup

I'm feeling pretty miserable, spending all day in the hospital with an IV dripping morphine into my body because I'm sooo sick. I got a bacterial infection, and that's all I know. I went to the ER after days of not being able to swallow anything, including water. My whole body is in pain. I'm missing school right now. I thought I would feel better once I started on these antibiotics, but I don't, I feel like I'm right back where I started. Unable to swallow, and even if I do manage to get down some water, I throw it right back up. I feel terrible.

I want to go home. I sit down at my computer to bang out yet another letter to my ever-listening boyfriend. Really, he’s too good to me. At this point, though, it’s more like writing in a diary or speaking to a wall, just for the heck of it, even if the wall doesn’t speak back. I will go insane if I don’t find anything to do. I hate hospitals.

I feel like I'm encountering one frustration after another. Yesterday I had determined to stay in a cheery spirit, but today is my fourth day here at the hospital (it's been 6 days since I've been able to swallow anything)and there is still no improvement. I tried just sucking on an orange and I immediately threw up. I can't believe how intolerant my body is being. I can't even swallow my own saliva--I have to spit pitifully into a cup every few minutes. I just don't get it. It never takes me this long to heal! I'm feeling really, really discouraged. It seems like one thing after another keeps happening. And I still need so many drugs all the time to keep me from being in pain, and I still feel sooo weak it's strange. I'm really... missing home, I guess.

The docs just told me this infection was pretty life threatening when i first came in, so it'll take a long time to heal from. maybe another week here at the hospital!! :_( gahhhh terrible terrible news. but katelyn and our korean friend dan have been visiting every day... I'm just so sick of being here and feeling soooo weak, and bored! they put me in the long-term ward, so i'm sharing a room with 10 other ladies who are either dying of old age or recovering from a surgery. gonna try to go back to sleep.